More Breaking News

What's in Your Wallet?
- Bruce Clark
(A Cognoscenti Magazine Special Report)



What's in your wallet? A lot less if Senator Stomper has his way.

"I can't have my corporate constituents suffering", states Stomper. "Profits have dropped dramatically in the last twelve months to record lows. Gas prices are flat and have only increased at a rate of two and one half times that of wages. My oil contributors are understandably screaming. It should be at least six dollars a gallon by now."

"Something has to be done," Stomper continues, "or it will start to trickle down. Why, just yesterday, a man opened his wallet at the grocery store and a moth flew out. That is one moth too many. Property taxes obviously let that moth slip threw their fingers and, due to lack of money, he only had to put back three items at the checkout."

Food stores have reacted to this cutting their shopping cart inventory by fifty percent. "We have far fewer customers now financially able to fill them anymore," a
Fat Wiggly manager commented. "Soon we will be cutting our carry basket inventory as well. People just don't need them, as much, either, anymore. Yes, things are looking up. Two hundred and fifty dollars of food items can now fit in one plastic bag. Fewer bags saves on waste, too."

"We haven't gone far enough," Stomper growled. "I saw that moth and am reporting it to the IRS and Justice. Besides, we don't want them to have time to look at my wealthy supporters who need more Legalized Stealing and Tea." [CM]
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